Crime and Punishment - Part II

Mom came to visit for two weeks and after she left, we took stock and realized Lulu was out of our control. He had basically treated his poor grandmother like his slave. On the last day, I spotted a wound in my mom's leg and asked her about it, and she said, "I didn't want to tell you. Lulu bit me the second day I was here." My reaction: WHAT??? Since when does Lulu bite people??? Did he learn that at school? Probably, blessed "education" system!!

After I calmed down, I told Mom that because she didn't tell us, we weren't able to teach Lulu biting was wrong, and she let him get away with it... and several other things, which made him think he could beat her up, which he had basically done the whole of her stay. I think the behavioral boundaries were all off because, as she only sees her grandson once every year or two, she wanted to keep the peace. Lulu had clearly taken advantage of her silence to misbehave anytime we weren't watching.

So yesterday when we came back from church and he refused to eat lunch, we relaunched the "naughty corner." We had discussed it a couple of times during the previous week and Hubbie had suggested we had used it too early, when Lulu was too little to understand. Now, especially as he loves to be the center of attention, we thought he might understand the concept. The punishment basically denies him any interaction with us and he is neither seen nor heard (this takes some acting skill).

So he sat in the corner just next to where we were eating. Should he be allowed to sit? Good question from Hubbie. Not sure what the answer is. However, whether sitting or standing, as we moved to the living room to watch Gaby playing in her Leapfrog DJ Station, he started turning around and moving away from that ninety-degree angle he was sequestered to.

Poker-faced, I walked over and turned him around and put him back in a sitting position in the corner. I didn't even look him in the face. As soon as I left, he went soft as an overcooked noodle and came creeping out. So I had to do this several times.

It was annoying.

This is the reason we started slacking off on the "disinvolvement" punishment. It is tiring and time consuming. And poor Hubbie ended up having to do everything! I had also gotten to spend more time with Lulu while Mom was here, so it was no longer an issue of not having my attention.

Now I am wondering if a naughty bench would be a better method. Would he be more likely to stay on the naughty bench than in a corner, which is not delineated? A bench provides a clearer boundary than a corner -- he knows whether he is on or off the bench. It is not clear at what point one is in or out of a corner.

Another question is, how long should he stay in the naughter corner/bench? Five minutes? Ten? More or less as appropriate to the crime? Or at three years old, do they too easily forget the crime if left alone too long? And will the punishment itself start to fail if we leave him punished too long?

We will have to keep trying. I suppose consistency is key...